What time do you get up? And HOW the hell do you wake up?
Not being a morning person, I find it shockingly awful to wake up in the morning and get out of bed. My natural waking time is around 4:00- 4:30 am, but Satan can make hammer on my fanny* if anyone thinks I’m getting up at that time of the day, so I make myself go back to sleep and thus I am a cranky heavy-headed slug a few hours later when the alarm eventually goes off at 8am.
To combat the awfulness of this, my alarm is a soothing cello quartet that gently tugs me into consciousness with a jaunty optimistic tune. This is pleasing on the ear, allows one to swim slowly to the shallows of sleep and hey presto -0ne short slap of the snooze button later- I’m awake, if not entirely compos mentis.
The Paramour awakes earlier than me by the guts of an hour. For some odd and entirely nothing to do with me honest reason, he programmed his alarm to scream last night. Yes scream, like a scream from a Hammer Horror film. A high-pitched blood curdling scream of sheer terror. Oh how we laughed, as we listened to it, last thing at night, awake, lights on, aware of the joke.
Fast forward seven hours and one blood curdling screaming session later and we were both flat on our backs clutching our hearts like a pair of terror-struck gobshites in the dark.
A very bad idea, and because it was so terrifying, the Paramour switched the bloody thing to off, thus no snooze and thus a slight sleep in, which rather defeats the purpose of alarms in the first place, no?
Anyway, his search for the perfect alarm goes ever onwards. Me, I’m going to stick with the cello, for as ghastly as waking up is, at least being coaxed awake by soothing sounds beats the hell out of levitating upwards through the panicked realisation that the end was nigh and several of the four horseman were riding through the bedroom.
Alarming alarms, I am against them.
* Intolerable Cruelty